


Certainty in Uncertain Times

by kristsune



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, Gen, Mentions of Blood, and i feel like it's really showing through here, barnes backstory, i love commander james barnes with all my heart, spoilers for 163
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25620949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristsune/pseuds/kristsune
Summary: Barnes finally finds the last straw and decides to do something about it.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	Certainty in Uncertain Times

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, Alex can't just give us that kind of backstory without me wanting to instantly write about it. Thank you to everyone who listened to me excitedly yell about this. i cant believe i wrote this that fast.
> 
> James Barnes, Commander of my heart.

Barnes was looking down at the maps strewn across his desk. None of this made sense. They shouldn’t  _ be _ here. They had no  _ right _ to be here. This wasn’t who they should be fighting. They were chasing after an enemy that didn’t exist. At least, as far as Barnes could tell, didn’t exist. Barnes wasn’t even sure if the crew of the most recent ship they captured had actually committed any crimes. There had been some meager evidence, but not nearly enough for him. The fact that they sent that crew to some mysterious holding camp outside the Devonport base just did not sit right with him either. He may be relatively high up the chain of command, but he always had to answer to someone higher, so Barnes did what he was told. 

Something was off, hells,  _ everything _ was off. Everything was uncertain. Barnes felt like he lost his sea legs, everything was shifting underneath him, and he couldn’t get his footing. 

There was a knock at his door, “Come in.”

Barnes looked up to see the ship’s boy, (Tom? George? Barnes hated that he couldn’t remember) pull at his forelock, “Commander, sir? Cap’n wants you on deck.” 

“Thank you, Tommy. I’ll be right there.” By the boy’s smile, Barnes got it right. Too much bloody fucking stress, he never had problems remembering  _ any _ crew member’s names before this, ship’s boy or not. 

Barnes sighed as he ran his hands down his face and through his hair before straightening it as best he could. Not that it particularly mattered, they had a strong, favorable wind with them today, it would be mussed as soon as he walked out onto the deck. He straightened his jacket and did just that.

He approached Captain Sallow who was at the bow watching their approach of the vessel the look out had alerted them an hour previous. They were approaching fast, the vessel seemed to only be limping along, and even without a glass Barnes could tell they were in a bad way. Barnes would send a few of the men over to see if they need assistance before moving on.

“Commander.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“I’d like you to fire on that ship as soon as we’re within range.”

Barnes felt like he had just been yanked underwater by a riptide. He legitimately felt like he could not breathe or speak for a solid minute. 

“Sir, you can’t be serious. That’s a  _ civilian _ ship.”

Sallow turned at the waist to give him a disdainful look, “Are you questioning my orders,  _ Commander _ .”

It was like a switch was flipped in that moment within Barnes. He had been following these continually spiraling, and degrading orders for  _ far _ too long. Orders that were out of line, orders that didn’t make sense, orders that were harmful to the rest of his crew, harmful to the people at large, people who they were trying to  _ protect _ . 

“Yes, sir. I am.” Barnes’ voice didn’t shake, and neither did his hands where they rested at his sides, ready to go for his sword at a moment’s notice. Sallow had been becoming more and more unpredictable as time had passed, and Barnes wasn’t quite sure how he would react, but he had a pretty strong idea, and it did not involve discussion. 

Barnes was one hundred percent sure of himself, in this moment. He finally had his sea legs back. He knew he was right, and Sallow was wrong. He would not fire upon that ship, and he would make sure that no one else did either, even if he died in preventing that act. 

Sallow turned his full attention to Barnes. He was not a large man, but he was bigger than Barnes by a few stone at least. But Barnes had been in the field longer, and was more active than Sallow had ever been. Intimidation tactics were not going to work on him. 

He started talking to one of the midshipmen nearby (Wally, good up in the rigging and never complained about hard tack), “Take him belowdecks, chain him up. We’ll deal with this  _ mutineer _ later. And get me someone who  _ will _ fire on that ship.” He already started to turn back to the water.

Barnes threw a look at Wally with a shake of his head, before drawing his sword. The man was smart, and stayed where he was. 

“No. No one is firing on that ship.”

Sallow spat, “I tried, Barnes. I tried to make it easy on you, but you are just throwing that back in my face.” 

Sallow drew his sword as well. And honestly? That was all Barnes needed to make his move. Once that sword was drawn he knew Sallow meant to kill him, and everyone on that civilian ship, not to mention endanger every member of his own crew. Barnes took a step and swung his adamantine sword, cutting through Sallow’s weak block like butter, and perfectly slit his throat in one smooth movement. 

Barnes blinked a few times, Sallow’s body in a heap on the deck. He didn’t remember it falling, but he could feel the arterial spray of blood across his face and neck. He turned to see the rest of the crew on deck staring at him. There was not one hostile expression among them. Barnes wiped down his sword before sheathing it. 

“I… I’m sorry you had to see that, but I am not sorry that I did it. Something has been  _ very _ wrong, for a long time, and I can no longer stand by and watch it happen. I don’t expect any of you to lie on my behalf, but if you could at least give me a head start before telling the Admiral, I’d appreciate it.”

Kira, the short, stout, and extremely capable quartermaster spoke up, “All we saw was the Captain attack you, before you went over the side, isn’t that right, everyone?”

There was a chorus of agreement, and Barnes could only nod his thanks to them. The crew agreed to let him off on the ship they were set to intercept, if they were amenable to that. In the meantime, Barnes went back to his small room to rinse the blood off his face as best he could, though his jacket would have to wait. 

He stared at his reflection in the small mirror he had bolted to the wall. Barnes’ had just killed his commanding officer, which should have left him feeling doubt, remorse, and guilt, but instead he only felt surety. Killing Sallow had been the first confident decision he had made in a long time, knowing that this was the right thing to do. He felt sorrowful for leaving his crew behind, they were a good group of people, and he hoped they would be able to make it on their own.

Barnes caught a glint from the gold epaulettes on his shoulders, and was even more glad that he kept his uniform as free from as much frivolous ornamentation as possible. He quickly took a knife to the stitching and pulled them off, just leaving his greatcoat simple and unadorned. It was still obviously military, but he might be able to pass as a civilian to a casual observer. 

He looked briefly down at his locker, but he had very little that he would really even want to take with him, even if he could. But with the claim of being attacked and fallen overboard, they would surely go through his things. He sighed, but it really wasn’t much of a loss. He had his sword and the ring his mother gave him around his neck, that was all he really needed anyway. 

By the time Barnes made it back on deck the body was gone, whether tossed overboard or tucked below decks to show the admiralty Barnes wasn’t sure, and it was no longer his concern anyhow. 

They had finally caught up with the ship they had been pursuing, and negotiations were already underway, Kira putting in a good word for him, from one quartermaster to another. It was no trouble at all, and Barnes would be welcome aboard, especially with his experience and the help they needed to get back underway. It was a ship of privateers, one step away from pirates, but with official paperwork. It was better than nothing, and at least they wouldn’t ask questions.   
  
Barnes sighed as he turned away from the water, and his old life sailing away as he started in on helping get this ship back into working order. Things may be uncertain again, but at least he knew where he  _ didn’t _ belong, and that was something well worth knowing. Hopefully he would find a new place to be, eventually. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to stop by and say hello over on [tumblr](https://kristsune.tumblr.com/) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/Kristsune)


End file.
